if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
