Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm at about main and main street
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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