I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize