We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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