this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
