I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
