What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
