dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
