To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Randomize
