Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
