Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to cum in my sink.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
