Where is the hickey?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
