so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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