Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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