I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
