They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
