Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
