Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
