You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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