rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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