"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we're making bets on your personal life
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
