I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
