I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
