You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize