my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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