Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
