After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
