apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
