If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
