I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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