Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize