he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Are we still banned from the library?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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