he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
