On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
