still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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