last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
