it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
