Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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