it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
