Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize