Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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