I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
