Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
