if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hippo gnu deer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
