So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
