At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
