You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
