I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize