the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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