It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
