I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
