I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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