Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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