he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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