i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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