i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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