I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
