If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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