...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
