and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
