No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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