i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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