I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
