Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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