I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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