btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Alive.
So much puke
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize